Yesterday started off great, then progressively got worse. Ended the night eating junkkkkkkkkkkkkkk and STILL managed to not kill my points. Crazy. Today had a 1st birthday party... did so well. Was very controlled, then came home and made some veggies to fill me up. Headed now to yet another birthday party and I am sure I will have some drinks and eat some food, but I am prepared to do the right thing. Kind of why I ate the yam and broccoli so I wouldn't be starving to death and eat anything that was in front of me...
Hope it works...
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
Did the gym pay off at weight watchers...
I did not do great, but quite honestly after my weekend in Gettysburg eating and drinking my way through the town... I did not do ANYWHERE near as bad as I thought. Conclusion... with the out gym I would have had to bury my head in the sand of humiliation...
So after that, I am geared up. My fridge is FULL of healthy food. I spent way to much money at the Acme buying veggies, fruits, chicken, 100 cal packs ect... figure it'll save me money in the long run because I REFUSE to eat out for the next week. I will pack snacks from now on.
I am surprised how the gym actually made me feel good this week. I went both times (yes I know only twice but it was my first week, and this week was INSANE) in the afternoon, and when I got home I was energized and ready to make dinner or do some laundry. Usually around 5-6pm I am restless and dragging. Another difference was, since I was moving and motivated, I was actually tired and fell asleep pretty effortlessly at night. When usually I am up all hours of the night bored and sleepless. I am going to try and make it more than twice a week next week, but with my schedule that literally changes day to day, hour to hour I will plan on two days and try and make more.
Since the weather has been getting progressively nicer, walking my dogs during the week has been extra enjoyable. We have been enjoying going out longer and (the dogs, not me) smelling the grass and eating little nuts that fall off the trees. Its so beautiful to see green again. Its also really funny, at least this week to have such warm temperatures and still see massive snow piles...
In any case, I wish I lost a ton a weight at this weigh in at weight watchers, but am SO thrilled I did not gain any weight due to a weekend away.
Challenge this weekend.... Saturday I have two birthday parties. One is for a 1 year old, so I can only imagine the treats that will be available, second is for a 50 year old and I can only dream of the alcohol that will be flowing.
With that said, I feel prepared to make better food and alcohol choices during these events with my goals in sight it should be a breeze.
Kicking off today with a crazy idea, I feel that I may regret. Taking my two dogs down to the city to meet up with Katie and her two young boxers for some city dog park and a hike to the Art Museum. Hoping the dog park wears them out enough to be able to walk respectfully... hoping.
So after that, I am geared up. My fridge is FULL of healthy food. I spent way to much money at the Acme buying veggies, fruits, chicken, 100 cal packs ect... figure it'll save me money in the long run because I REFUSE to eat out for the next week. I will pack snacks from now on.
I am surprised how the gym actually made me feel good this week. I went both times (yes I know only twice but it was my first week, and this week was INSANE) in the afternoon, and when I got home I was energized and ready to make dinner or do some laundry. Usually around 5-6pm I am restless and dragging. Another difference was, since I was moving and motivated, I was actually tired and fell asleep pretty effortlessly at night. When usually I am up all hours of the night bored and sleepless. I am going to try and make it more than twice a week next week, but with my schedule that literally changes day to day, hour to hour I will plan on two days and try and make more.
Since the weather has been getting progressively nicer, walking my dogs during the week has been extra enjoyable. We have been enjoying going out longer and (the dogs, not me) smelling the grass and eating little nuts that fall off the trees. Its so beautiful to see green again. Its also really funny, at least this week to have such warm temperatures and still see massive snow piles...
In any case, I wish I lost a ton a weight at this weigh in at weight watchers, but am SO thrilled I did not gain any weight due to a weekend away.
Challenge this weekend.... Saturday I have two birthday parties. One is for a 1 year old, so I can only imagine the treats that will be available, second is for a 50 year old and I can only dream of the alcohol that will be flowing.
With that said, I feel prepared to make better food and alcohol choices during these events with my goals in sight it should be a breeze.
Kicking off today with a crazy idea, I feel that I may regret. Taking my two dogs down to the city to meet up with Katie and her two young boxers for some city dog park and a hike to the Art Museum. Hoping the dog park wears them out enough to be able to walk respectfully... hoping.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Quitting smoking is for the birds, I'll just be healthier in other ways to make up for it?
So as you all know quitting smoking will be a challenge for another time. I am like I guess everyone else in the world, and doing the weight loss thing now. Am I addicted to fast food... absolutely. So this is now morphing to overcoming food addiction.
Lets preface really quick. I lost a solid 30lbs in the last year. Pretty effortlessly which is lucky, I actually lost more than that, but have been gaining back weight slowly so that brings us here. Three weeks ago my mom forced me to join weight watchers with her, I was no taking it seriously. The first week I strangely lost 4 lbs, but again with no counting or following through week 2 I gained 3.2lbs. This week I am determined to do well. I have eaten fast food this week. I am bummed about it. Its like the cigarette thing, the minute it pops in to my head its like fucking forget it. If I don't just do it, I will eat 20x the calories and fat of ANYTHING else and still crave it. So what the hell.
I bought a ton of veggies and fruit today as well as some raw fish fillets and chicken breast. I figure I can make it work enough to help? We will see, obviously I am starting to flow in this system, and kind of enjoying it.
My dad joined planet fitness, and since hes laid off it has become his life. He lives maybe 3 minutes from the gym, and insists on showering there. He got the membership, then did not go for almost a week so he could make sure his gym bag was perfect. He bought new sneaks, a fancy lock, and flip flops for the showers. Oh not to mention a stylish gym bag, new head phones, and has to ask the front desk EVERY time he goes what perks the "black card" members have over the regular membership. The conversation goes like this
My dad - "Hey how you doing, how much are drinks here for me since I have the black card?"
Guy at desk - "1$"
My dad - "What is the price or everyone else"
Guy at desk - "2$"
My dad - "Thats great, wow, how much are they are wawa, maybe i'll start walking up here for a drink from now on"
Yeah... either way going with him is actually fun. Mainly because we both do our own things. I am surprised, I had a feeling he would be clingy, but hes not at all. My only complaint is that he is already deaf, he wears his headphones music at max volume and does not turn it down when he talks to you. So today I was on a weight machine, and he strolls over, and goes at the loudest voice volume ever "85lbs, thats great, I tease your mom because she does everything so light" I was like signalling him to lower his voice, and he just laughed at me and said "My music is at the max volume" again at the loudest voice volume ever.
Anyway... progress will show tomorrow. Two days of fast food, but two days of gym that I had not done in FOREVER.
I will let you all know the details... tune in tomorrow evening.. if its a really bad result.. who knows when I will be able to admit it.. so keep checking.
Lets preface really quick. I lost a solid 30lbs in the last year. Pretty effortlessly which is lucky, I actually lost more than that, but have been gaining back weight slowly so that brings us here. Three weeks ago my mom forced me to join weight watchers with her, I was no taking it seriously. The first week I strangely lost 4 lbs, but again with no counting or following through week 2 I gained 3.2lbs. This week I am determined to do well. I have eaten fast food this week. I am bummed about it. Its like the cigarette thing, the minute it pops in to my head its like fucking forget it. If I don't just do it, I will eat 20x the calories and fat of ANYTHING else and still crave it. So what the hell.
I bought a ton of veggies and fruit today as well as some raw fish fillets and chicken breast. I figure I can make it work enough to help? We will see, obviously I am starting to flow in this system, and kind of enjoying it.
My dad joined planet fitness, and since hes laid off it has become his life. He lives maybe 3 minutes from the gym, and insists on showering there. He got the membership, then did not go for almost a week so he could make sure his gym bag was perfect. He bought new sneaks, a fancy lock, and flip flops for the showers. Oh not to mention a stylish gym bag, new head phones, and has to ask the front desk EVERY time he goes what perks the "black card" members have over the regular membership. The conversation goes like this
My dad - "Hey how you doing, how much are drinks here for me since I have the black card?"
Guy at desk - "1$"
My dad - "What is the price or everyone else"
Guy at desk - "2$"
My dad - "Thats great, wow, how much are they are wawa, maybe i'll start walking up here for a drink from now on"
Yeah... either way going with him is actually fun. Mainly because we both do our own things. I am surprised, I had a feeling he would be clingy, but hes not at all. My only complaint is that he is already deaf, he wears his headphones music at max volume and does not turn it down when he talks to you. So today I was on a weight machine, and he strolls over, and goes at the loudest voice volume ever "85lbs, thats great, I tease your mom because she does everything so light" I was like signalling him to lower his voice, and he just laughed at me and said "My music is at the max volume" again at the loudest voice volume ever.
Anyway... progress will show tomorrow. Two days of fast food, but two days of gym that I had not done in FOREVER.
I will let you all know the details... tune in tomorrow evening.. if its a really bad result.. who knows when I will be able to admit it.. so keep checking.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Its really pathetic being an addict...
I buckled under the emotional stress, and started smoking again. Yea, I sort of knew all along it would happen. Why you ask? The answer to that question is fairly obvious, I am a smoker at heart. I feel that I was born smoking, and I will likely die smoking. No fancy was to describe it other than, it is so good. It fills many voids in my day to day world.
When I have anxiety, it calms me down... then almost immediately makes it worse. I have noticed the more I smoke, the more anxiety I actually end up with. I get agitated, then I smoke, and the cycle repeats. I still consider this filling a void because.. well because I am an addict.
I recently had to get a tooth pulled. Probably because I smoke so much and smoking is TERRIBLE for your teeth, but continuing with my story. The instruction stated: No smoking for at the least 48 hours. Apparently the sucking in action can create a dry socket, which exposes your jaw bone. Of course I was not able to make the promise, I just smoked less and more gently. Smoking is more important than potentially exposing bone and being in terrible pain. To most this choice was silly on my part, to me the risk made perfect sense because I am an addict.
Smoking happens to also usually separate me from my friends. I have to go outside and smoke alone, while everyone gets to stay warm and continue talking and drinking while I hover outside around a small little post cursing the day cigarettes came in to my life. I dream of when Spring arrives and being outside will be wonderful and smoking will be even more enjoyable because I am an addict.
Wow, I did not mean that. I never curse the day they came in to my life. I curse everyday when I wreak of cigarette smoke, and my hamper makes my room wreak of cigarettes. When I shower and I can smell the cigarette stench washing away. Every time I get in my car, and the strong odor hits me right in the face. I curse every time a non smoker gets in my filthy ash cover car, knowing they are dealing with an unpleasant odor. I react helpless to all of this because I am an addict.
I hate how expensive they are. Quitting my job, walking dogs for a living... I need to quit just for financial reasons, this shit is too much money. Yet I would rather sacrifice hanging out with my friends, eating, and having money to do stuff with all so I can smoke. I panic when I might not be able to afford smoking. I start taking all precautions. Smoking less, obsessing over bills that need to be paid vs money coming in.....
Its really pathetic being an addict.
When I have anxiety, it calms me down... then almost immediately makes it worse. I have noticed the more I smoke, the more anxiety I actually end up with. I get agitated, then I smoke, and the cycle repeats. I still consider this filling a void because.. well because I am an addict.
I recently had to get a tooth pulled. Probably because I smoke so much and smoking is TERRIBLE for your teeth, but continuing with my story. The instruction stated: No smoking for at the least 48 hours. Apparently the sucking in action can create a dry socket, which exposes your jaw bone. Of course I was not able to make the promise, I just smoked less and more gently. Smoking is more important than potentially exposing bone and being in terrible pain. To most this choice was silly on my part, to me the risk made perfect sense because I am an addict.
Smoking happens to also usually separate me from my friends. I have to go outside and smoke alone, while everyone gets to stay warm and continue talking and drinking while I hover outside around a small little post cursing the day cigarettes came in to my life. I dream of when Spring arrives and being outside will be wonderful and smoking will be even more enjoyable because I am an addict.
Wow, I did not mean that. I never curse the day they came in to my life. I curse everyday when I wreak of cigarette smoke, and my hamper makes my room wreak of cigarettes. When I shower and I can smell the cigarette stench washing away. Every time I get in my car, and the strong odor hits me right in the face. I curse every time a non smoker gets in my filthy ash cover car, knowing they are dealing with an unpleasant odor. I react helpless to all of this because I am an addict.
I hate how expensive they are. Quitting my job, walking dogs for a living... I need to quit just for financial reasons, this shit is too much money. Yet I would rather sacrifice hanging out with my friends, eating, and having money to do stuff with all so I can smoke. I panic when I might not be able to afford smoking. I start taking all precautions. Smoking less, obsessing over bills that need to be paid vs money coming in.....
Its really pathetic being an addict.
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