I deserve a Christmas miracle...

So unemployment has to be appealed. I knew in the back of my mind that would happen, but was hoping for a pleasant surprise...
Right now.. I am pissed. Suicide is not even an option because I have so many dogs relying on my the next few weeks...so I have to wait until at least the first of the new year.
Choosing to lose my crutch, my sweet expensive happiness right now was the worst decision of my life.
I am falling off the wagon, and frankly do not care. I want an meteor to fall out of the sky and hit me. I feel like the Alien movies... like there is something inside me ready to tear through my chest and terrorize civilization as we know it,
I am going to keep trying... I guess at this point to "cut down" but my hope and glimmer for the future in every aspect of my life just does not exist right now.
Highlight of my day so far... Robbie ate a green crayon yesterday... his poop looked like fun fetti with green specs.
That highlight is pathetic and I really want to go on craigslist and sell myself to some rich, or not even super wealthy man to be a slave to just throw away all financial worries... Any takers?
I will have to hide this blog so they do not think I am capable of murdering them when a stressful situation arises.
Ok off to look in the mirror and slap myself in the face and say "Katelyn, stop your bitching, and keep floating through life like you always have been doing... SOMETHING has to work out eventually...and if it does not... permission to run far far away and die"
I hate everything today... hopefully this weekend filled with some exciting events will change something...